Easter Bunny Tales

This is a post from Basketbawful

A while back, I spent a few years playing the Easter Bunny at an annual event for underprivileged children. Originally, I was responsible only for helping to plan and set up the event, but we ran into a hitch: Nobody wanted to be the Easter Bunny. Now, I learned a long time ago to always volunteer for the tasks everybody else avoids. That way, nobody can ever accuse you of trying to avoid the crappy jobs, and, more importantly, the people who do the crappy jobs usually get out of doing pretty much anything else. Dressing up as the Easter Bunny meant I didn't have to help in any other area of the event. No planning, so setting things up, no taking them down. I figured I would show up, be adored by one and all, and then leave. Easy enough, no?

The first problem was that I'm 6'3". As you would probably suspect if you ever thought about such things, they don't make a lot of six-foot, three-inch Easter Bunny costumes. So, the first year, we had to special order an extra-large costume at the last minute, and it barely made it on time. The first time I put the costume on, I immediately noticed two things. First, it was hot. Like, really hot. Imagine crawling fully-clothed into one of those thermal sleeping bags that are rated for -60 degree weather and then walking around in it for a few hours. Yeah. Second, I looked flat-out creepy. I mean, 6'3" is small to Shaq, but to an eight-year-old, I'm huge. And, now, dressed as a freaky grinning rabbit. I was actually afraid of scaring the kiddies.

The day came and, once the festivities were well under way, I was led into crowd. The kids started cheering and screamed "The Easter Bunny!" They weren't afraid of me at all, which I thought was a good thing. At first. But I soon wished that they were scared, at least a little, because these kids were mean. They immediately came over and started challenging me. "You aren't the Easter Bunny!" "He's a fake!" "Rip off his tail!" "I'm gonna tear your head off!" And they weren't kidding. I started getting grabbed, punched, pushed, and kicked. The parents in attendance and the other people running the event tried to get them under control, but the adults were outnumbered three-to-one. There was no way to police them all.

One little girl ran up and stared me down. (It's important to note, at this point, that in order to beat the heat I was wearing only a pair of boxer shorts under the costume.) She then reached between my legs and grabbed a tiny fistful of my junk, after which she turned around and announced to the other kids, "He's a man! I can feel him!" That was a low moment for me, no question about it. And my friends who where there tormented me with "I can feel him!" jokes for quite some time afterward.

After a struggle that lasted about a half an hour, the kids came down off of their sugar high or whatever it was, and we settled down to take pictures. Like this one. The little girls were great, but that little monster on the left was trying to tear out a tuft of fur. And yes, he managed to yank out some of my leg hair in the process. In case you don't know, that doesn't feel good.

There was one little boy who was like the gang leader or something. He kept putting together small raiding parties to try and knock me over or snatch the head off my costume. He probably got in more punches and kicks than all the rest of the kids combined. I swear, I almost picked him up and threw him out the window a few times. Then, the oddest thing happened. As the party was winding down, he came up to me entirely on his own, eyes filled with tears, and said, "Thanks, Easter Bunny!" And then he hugged me. Have you ever seen a look of "WTF?!" on a costumed bunny?

So I guess everything more or less turned out okay. I guess I should have sort of expected it. We live in an increasingly cynical society. I can assure you, based on this experience, that that cynicism isn't limited to adults. But at least with the kids, you can still get through to them. They hated and distrusted me at first, but by the end of the party they loved me.

Okay. That's the story.

Lemony Snicket and the Titanic

S&^t happens! Its unavoidable. But when it happens to you, it ain't so funny anymore. At least thats what they tell you.

Lemony Snicket wrote great books and humoured the entire affair of hurt and pain. I believe that most of the answers we look for is just that simple. Just in the span of this morning, I have seen my good friend (aka literally the girl next door) breakdown TWICE. All because of work. It ain't worth it and I'm glad I have made a decision on what I should be doing in life.

The picture shows a couple mimicking potentially the greatest love scene in cinematic history with dire consequences. Funny as it is, this is actually a common phenomenon. In a study carried out for carriers in the States, most adventurous couples/idiots have attempted similar acts although to less dire consequences.

Life is simply that simple. That it easy. At least the adventurous couple/idiots had their moment in the sun. For that brief moment, they were DiCaprio and Winslet and I believe that should be what matters instead of the report that shows how stupid their attempt was. Live life while laughing at your own failings and learn to wake up eager to try new stuff. If you can't then, somethings wrong and it might be time to make a change - for the better.

That would also be a reminder for myself to stop taking things seriously all the time like its a matter of life and death. I'm glad I decided to move on after the series of stuff thats happen. I have come to discover that there are more important stuff in life and to prove yourself to others is meaningless when you can't even prove to yourself that you're happy.

Until happier postings from the rebellion, dezza!

Country Road

Almost heaven, west virginia
Blue ridge mountains, shenandoah river
Life is old there, older than the trees
Younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I be-long
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

John Denver

This song has always held a special place in my heart. And now at the current stage where I'm at, no other song seems more appropriate. The song didin't actually place him on the map but it did allow him to explode internationally and people could all hum to that song during the day he ruled (at least thats what my mom tells me).

Home is always where the heart is and at the dawn of a new opportunity for me, I feel that I really am at the crossroads. This blog began as a testing experience and a chance to pick up on basic html but it has opened a new door for me. To where I do not know. It could be my "country road" or it could be just a mirage. Either way, I'm happy with what you can find in small unexpected packages. Life is just that full of mysteries and paths you never knew you would end up treading. This is to the deciding week of another twist of my life. Wherever it takes me, I hope it leads me "home".

Until more rebellious postings, dezza!

the Road Runner rules

1. Road Runner cannot harm the Coyote except by going "beep, beep".
2. No outside force can harm the Coyote -- only his own ineptitude or the failure of Acme products.
3. The Coyote could stop anytime -- IF he was not a fanatic. (Repeat: "A fanatic is one who redoubles his effort when he has forgotten his aim." -- George Santayana).
4. No dialogue ever, except "beep, beep".
5. Road Runner must stay on the road -- for no other reason than that he's a roadrunner.
6. All action must be confined to the natural environment of the two characters -- the southwest American desert.
7. All tools, weapons, or mechanical conveniences must be obtained from the Acme Corporation.
8. Whenever possible, make gravity the Coyote's greatest enemy.
9. The Coyote is always more humiliated than harmed by his failures.
10. The audience's sympathy must remain with the Coyote.

The Dysfunctional Warzone: The Workplace

Things You'd Love to Say Out Loud At Work

1. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce
2. How about never? Is never good for you?
3. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public
4. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter
5. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying
6. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again
7. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid
8. You are validating my inherent trust of strangers
9. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist
10. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental
11. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
12. Oh, I get it...like humour...but different

The above list was something I found while surfing and it is supposedly an actual posting on a workspace bulletin. What this actually underlies though is a strong sentiment that the workplace is prime hunting ground for the weak will surely perish. E-mails sent across blaming people discreetly for work not done or for some to bask in their own glory and accomplishment. Now here are some pokopen tips in surviving the treacherous grounds and possibly win you fame and fortune:-

1. Bring sufficient ammo. Basic rule of thumb and works on any battlefield. Come prepared to work or risk your a$$ being grilled. Show initiative in knowing what you are actually doing.
2. Be heartless. Friends are there after work. Let it all go and do what is required (Note that Pokopen Rebellion does not claim responsibility should you choose to sabotage your neighbours work or if you poison your boss). Live with your conscience.
3. Get your job done. Don't meddle into office politicking and don't attempt to be a smart-a$$ all the time. Do what you're paid to do and do it well. That keeps marauders away. Don't give your opponents live ammunition
4. Patience is a virtue. Having said that...
5. Don't go down without a fight. Do the right thing for yourself. When trampled upon, stand up and whup the bananas out of the next attempt
6. Find stuff to do after work. Even retired soldiers go home to plough their fields or do what retired soldiers do. Engage in healthy stuff and form a community.
7. Remember to be polite to everyone. Respect others and due respect will be given to you. Also, just because your an executive, you still have to go get your own coffee and does not grant you executive rights to hang around and chat during office hours
8. Be open and transparent. Don't dwell on mind games and be open.
9. Be happy. Its just work afterall. Enjoy yourself. If its all about the money, suit yourself
10. Beware the hidden backstabber. Tips on spotting a backstabber include the evil look and overly friendly approach. Don't engage in gossip because word travels around pretty fast and it will come back and haunt you. Oh, yes, all that talk about your boss being a bitch or worse will echo back.

This and many more insights from the pokopen rebellion in the future...remember that pokopen survived this first..dezza!

tuna + acupuncture = great fish?

The president of Japan's Osakana Planning Co. told attendees of the Japanese Seafood Show in July that his tuna makes superior sushi because his company administers acupuncture to each fish prior to its death, in order to reduce stress.

The Times (London), 25 July 2008.

+



=




???????

Dictionary.Com defines the following as:-

tu·na /ˈtunə, ˈtyu-/ [too-nuh, tyoo-]
–noun, plural (especially collectively) -na, (especially referring to two or more kinds or species) -nas.
1. any of several large food and game fishes of the family Scombridae, inhabiting temperate and tropical seas.
2. any of various related fishes.
3. also called tuna fish. the flesh of the tuna, used as food.

ac·u·punc·ture [n. ak-yoo-puhngk-cher; v. ak-yoo-puhngk-cher, ak-yoo-puhngk-] noun, verb, -tured, -tur·ing.
–noun
1. a Chinese medical practice or procedure that treats illness or provides local anesthesia by the insertion of needles at specified sites of the body.
–verb (used with object)
2. to perform acupuncture on

The Wreck's Dictionary defines the above statements as full of &*#@. How weird can we get?

The rebellion will continue to hunt down weird news around this whacky world, until more crazy happenings, dezza!

Cookie Vikings

Legend speaks of the horror of the cookie vikings. I denied their existence for the many years of my life until the pangs of reality came to truth today. Gasp..the rumours were true. Legend exists.

Struggling to chronicle the horrors of the incident. I managed to recreate the image of the vicious marauders.



Although somewhat cartoonish, the real life marauders were vicious saliva dripping brats. Their fangs were the stuff of werewolves and their weapons were weird grins and hidden clubs. They left all kinds of damage and carnage in their wake. Barely able to conceal my own treasure trove of cookies, I was left at their immediate mercy as they plundered at will. Chuckling as they dumped wrappers of their spoils in my own bin, I could not bring myself to comprehend the monstrosity and primeval rage. Happily making their way onto the next village of smiles, I could only hug my fragile state while trembling at the recoil of the attack.

The horror of the raid will live in infamy and annals of "suckness" and retribution will be swift. Sitting in my "Stephen Hawking" likeness, plotting my revenge could not have been more fun. What I had with envisioned pitiless rage would even make Hannibal Lecter cringe in fright squealing like a little girl.

As I recuperate from the dreadful aftermath, the attack has severely crippled my resources for the upcoming difficult days ahead. I fear that the end may be near for the office realm. It didin't use to be like this. There used to be camaraderie and holding hands singing hippie songs and sharing of food. Slowly building my army from scratch despite the scarcity of resources, I vow to finally take over and steal what is mine back from the very bellies of the beasts.

I will have my revenge and gloat as I munch on their precious cookies myself. I can already envision my victorious stance over the crying and wailings of the to-be pathetic vikings.

Now, time to light the lamps of deviousness as I contemplate revenge! Until the next postings if I survive, dezza!